What do Facebook and cricket have in common?

Sun looks like its double-whammy for Pakistanis entertainment enthusiasts this time. First we get beaten out of the Twenty20 World Cup after having our hopes raised to unbelievable heights, prompting people to make all sorts of sour remarks to vent their frustration on Facebook. Then this whole high-stakes emotional censorship bonanza prompts to block Facebook for a whole week! Oh where will disappointed sports fans and withdrawal-ridden Facebook addicts go to now that the pleasant lull of the Facebook news feed and the unmistakable sense of being constantly connected to all your friends have been stripped off of our internet experience.

Though all this buzz about a silly contest Facebook group seems a little bit over-hyped to be making international news headlines, I'm sure the administration of the censorship regime Pakistan were just looking out for an excuse to test their web portal for instant blocking apparatus. Probably did not do as one would expect as well, since it took them a few days to get the blocking sealed. Please, do these people have any idea how many status changes, picture uploads, note posts, and information sharing can take place a few within days? This could be catastrophic in an emergency situation which prompts blocking Facebook. A sorry attempt, I must add.

What I really do not get though is why is it such a big deal if someone's doing something that might offend us on Facebook. It's the Internet for heaven's sake! Probably a million people are doing things that would tick us off on the internet at any given time. No one really seems to be giving a hoot about any of that. Oh But when Facebook does it, it's different, because everyone's interested in this new hype Facebook I mean even Musharraf is on Facebook (never thought you'd see the day the hip new site would become a regular hangout for sleazy 60-year- old uncles, did you?). Anyway, the government meddling in affairs of the how people use social networking sites is disturbing. I mean if you do not like something, use the democratic freedom the internet gives you by simply not clicking on it.

But you know what, even though I'ma proponent of free speech over censorship and reason over unreason, I think this Facebook ban is a blessing in disguise. You do not have to constantly know who is up to what, and how your friends are feeling, and what they are taking social quizzes, and who has how many pink elephants on Farmville. Half the time people spend on Facebook is being molested by inane occupied in applications. The rest of the time is spent gobbling up information about how useless everyone who is bored in your social circle is letting you know exactly how bored they are via Facebook. But no, a Facebook enthusiast would tell you that it's a great means of communication to keep in touch with your friends. Well my reply to that is: use your Bleeping email, or phone, or SMS!

Seriously, Facebook is an authoritarian regime based system that gives no freedom, privacy, or respect to its users. And this is supposed to be the harbinger of free speech? Give me a commercial-break!

That said, maybe all is not lost for avid Muslim social-media buffs who are easily offended. Maybe we could develop a sanitised version of Facebook for the Muslim world, and call it Pakbook. Pakbook would be pure of all corrupt material, salacious comments, lewd material, curse words, and anything else that might not correspond traditions to our culture and beliefs. Maybe we could then segregate the genders So that women can only add women and mehrams to their group of friends.

But you have to admit, without all those blurry pictures blackout, the mindless humor, and flirtatious nature of communication, would be an extremely boring Pakbook network. No one would want to hang out there or use it to keep in touch with friends. People would not be Able to criticize the government on Pakbook, or have any fun, for fun would be forbidden on Pakbook.

So how can we keep cricket enthusiasts despondent and jittery Facebooker entertained without international cricket and the social media giant! An ingenious way to address the issue would not only eradicate the entertainment problem, but could then tackle our long dragging terror problem, while making Pakistan a more democratic and open society. If you do not believe me, sit tight for this one ...

The answer is to Unveil the next media entertainment breakthrough of the century. We should start our own Twenty20 cricket league, but with a twist to multiply its entertainment value. Pakistan is home to loose banned militant groups and organizations committing violent acts to create sensational effect while showing them as macho and relevant. Instead of letting this go to waste fervor, cricket we should provide them a forum where they can express themselves as openly as possible, while taking on one another in the confines of. I present to you the terror Pakistan League, PTL. The Twenty20 cricket league that is centered around banned terror outfits and other secret organizations such as Jaishn-e-Muhammad,( S.A.W.W) LeT, Sipah Sahaba, and LEJ - even operating in the area mercenary organizations like Blackwater / Xe could have a team.

A team would consist of 11 players like the standard cricket format, composed of batsmen, bowlers and all-rounders. The teams would engage in a cutthroat competitive high-stakes contest of cricket militant explosive, ammunition extremely sensationalised by huge explosions and live. The bowler's objective would be to blow up or the batsman hit his missile-wickets. The batsman, in order to survive with all limbs in tact, would have to lob the grenade away with his bat. The third umpire would most definitely be a Predator drone. Whoever blows up every member of the other team first wins, and they walk off victorious, bloody, limbless and with the Pakistan terrorist League championship trophy.

This format would be to overall win for Pakistan: not only would it out-do the IPL, so it would rid us of the terror menace. Confined within the sporting arena, violence would only happen in the stadium, so that only the competing teams get hurt, while innocent civilians are not only spared, but entertained in the process, barring a few really long Grenade Super Sixes that cause casualties crowd. With a dedicated forum for making your voices heard militant, teams would flock to stadiums instead of battle fields.

Furthermore, this would be so entertaining that people would additively forget about Facebook. In fact, this would turn the tables on Facebook users who'd be trying to get hold of PTL scores which would not be made available to anyone with a Facebook account, leaving them in a desperate dilemma. So we should not sulk over recent disappointments. Rather, we should be looking to turn our problems into solutions - turn poison into gold.

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